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December 15th, 2008


03:35 pm - circles and circles again..
well, henry and i broke up. now what?

I am walking
out in the rain
and I am listening to the low moan
of the dial tone again
and I am getting
nowhere with you
and I can't let it go
and I can't get through...
the old woman behind the pink curtains
and the closed door
on the first floor
she's listening through the air shaft
to see how long our swan song can last
and both hands
now use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing
graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of
how hard we tried
I am watching your chest rise and fall
like the tides of my life,
and the rest of it all
and your bones have been my bedframe
and your flesh has been my pillow
I am waiting for sleep
to offer up the deep
with both hands
in eachother's shadows we grew less and less tall
and eventually our theories couldn't explain it all
and I'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall
and when we leave the landlord will come
and paint over it all
and I am walking
out in the rain
and I am listening to the low moan of the dial tone again
and I am getting nowhere with you
and I can't let it go
and I can't get though
So now use both hands
please use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of how hard we tried
hard we tried
how hard we tried

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October 21st, 2008


05:00 pm - Slacking
on the updating, I know. Not much to say. I work all the time...Henry's on a business trip to Texas for a week, so it's just me and the cats. Can't wait for friends and Sound Tribe in a few weeks! And, I quit smoking (again) on election day. A friend at work and I are doing it. God forbid if Obama loses...then it might be a few more weeks. He's cool, he's my direct boss... and a gay guy. A friend with a masters degree in photography! I made him invite me to hang out so I have a new gay friend! Yay! And he wants me to meet a few friends of his, which I'm looking foward to. I've also hung out with another coworker, Matt, who works in the music department. He has huge hair and an awesome empty house cause his mom lives in Italy.. he plays the drums in a band and smokes up with me. He took us to a Greek festival a few weeks ago, where I got to watch little girls dance, among other things. Everyone else at work is cool too- the social interaction is nice, though I've gotten used to the cigarette breaks that need to stop. I'm running the Borders kids Halloween party this Saturday, and I have no plans for it as of yet, though I get a shit load of questions about it every day, and people are expecting fun times. They just kind of throw this stuff my way without giving me any guidelines or help, which sucks, but it's cool cause I'll get to play with a bunch of kids for a few hours and get paid for it. I really like my job. I'm good at it, it pays the bills, occupies my mind, and lets me talk to people that aren't Henry or my cats. I should get a better paying job, one that I'm more qualified for perhaps, but I like where I am. I've been thinking of applying for grad school for the fall term. Colorado is whispering to me that I need to be there. We'll see what happens.. I finally have health insurance, which is so amazing I can't even say. No more hundreds of dollars a month for presriptions. And I can go to the damn foot doctor, and all kinds of other doctors I've been needing to go to. Wooo! Ok, That's all I got.
Current Mood: lonelylonely

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September 7th, 2008


05:35 pm - Obsessed
with my kitties. here are some recent pics. we like to take naps. and look out the window.





















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August 29th, 2008


04:04 pm - Accidental Show
Soooo by pure luck, I am getting to show some of my photographs at Borders. The only reason being that I work there, and at a shift meeting the other day one of the bosses told us all to tell our artist friends that they are looking to fill a ridiculous amount of wall space. I of course jumped at the opportunity, and will spend this weekend selecting/printing/matting/framing some 20 odd photographs. What a great opportunity, all because I happened to get hired at Borders. I will put prices on them, cheap ones probably, and hang my card (after I make one) underneath them, and who knows, maybe someone will want to buy one or want me to do some commissioned work. But if not, I still get to see my photographs on wall in a public space! How exciting. I don't know which to choose- all my old work is at my parent's house, all the stuff from film. But I'm not lacking in digital photos. So far I've picked out a few from New Zealand, a few macro shots, and a few urban ones. No portraits, because most of those are from film. Most of my pictures from the last 6 months or so no one has seen but Henry, so maybe one of these days when I get my act together I'll put them online or something. Wooo hoooo this is exciting! The bad part is that though I probably won't sell any,I still have to pay to matte and frame them all. That's going to be a LOT of money. I think Henry's going to lend me the money, or rather his credit card. Hopefully eventually I'll sell them one way or the other.

I'm really starting to like my job, so much that when it's time for me to go I'm sad. Probably because there's nothing to do for the rest of the day, since I get off at 1. I wish I could work more hours, and I'll ask for them on Monday. But right now it's only about 30 a week. I haven't really made any friends, the people there are either strange or keep to themselves, but I sure as hell put myself out there. I try to start conversations all the time, and mostly I get one word responses. I will keep trying though! But I'm really enjoying being in charge of such a big part of the store- in charge not meaning in charge, exactly, but I decide what goes where and how everything looks. It's satisfying to have control over something, maybe. I'll stop psychoanalyzing it, but I enjoy it. Even though my back aches all the time and I have perma-papercuts.

Other than that, things are the same... trying to not drink so much, and failing... working my way through every Margaret Atwood book ever written, so far I'm on number 8, not counting poetry books. I love her writing more than words can say.

Our cats are fabulous, I fall in love with them more each day. Sigh... they are spoiled rotten.

Peace love and kitty kisses.
Current Mood: bouncybouncy

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August 18th, 2008


01:49 pm - finger cuts
Sooo I work at Borders. I shelve books. Among other things. But mostly, I alphabetize and shelve and organize books. Sometimes, I pull books off the shelves that I put there the day before in order for the store to send them back to their big warehouse in the sky. In the children's department. It's not bad, easy, and sometimes even fun to organize book displays, it keeps my OCD mind busy. And I get to look at cute kids all day. I'm going to start reading to them for "story hour" every Tuesday morning, that should be fune. But, my feet hurt, ouch, and I come home every day with cuts on my fingers. Whatever, at least I have a job. I'll still be looking around for a real job, but I'm satisfied for now. Plus, I get a 33% discount (sweet!) AND I get to use the whole damn store like a library, and check anything out for three weeks. No more worries about all the magazine subscriptions I want! I can read them all there for free. It's pretty exciting.

This weekend Henry suprised me with tickets to THE LION KING! We saw it at the Kennedy Center, super fancy. It was increeeedible. I guess it's the same cast that does Broadway. Everything was amazing, from the acting to the music, and especially the costumes. It was so much fun. It was sooo good. I guess I should probably shut up about it, cause you had to be there to witness the amazing-ness.

What else is going on.. I guess that's about it. The cats are lovely. I think I'll go cuddle them right now.
Current Mood: hungryhungry

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July 28th, 2008


11:30 am - poops
So far the kitties have been amazing, except for a few litter box mishaps. They are so happy to be living outside of a cage! And they are snuggle bunnies for sure. We are actually trying to potty train them. Sounds silly I know, but a lot of people have had success! We'll see how it goes.

I continue to live at the library, and have discovered that they rent out cds, well duh, I should have known that. But they have a world music section that I raided and I can upload it to my itunes and keep it forever. Yay for Krishna Das.

I spent all weekend applying for jobs, such as at Borders, Petco, the animal shelter, Pier 1, blah blah blah, I better get something soon. I guess having a degree doesn't mean anything, even to work at a stupid McDonalds. I'm still applying for photography jobs, which is really what I'd like to do. It would be so fun to get paid for taking pictures.

I've been obsessed with these new smoothies I've been making- one banana, a few handfuls of blueberries, some apple pieces, a scoop of protein, some soy milk, ice, and flax seeds. They are amazing. But until I have a job I need to lay off them, cause fruit gets expensive. I also need to stop eating hummus. I can knock out a whole container in a day if I wanted. I could buy buckets of the stuff and roll around in it. Yummmm. Bad Nicole. We've discovered Trader Joes, which I've known about for a while, but have never tried shopping there because I assumed it was expensive like Earth Fare and such. Not so! It is so ridiculously cheap. Things we pay $5 and $6 for at Harris Teeter are $3 at Trader Joes. The only thing is, it's got a limited selection of stuff. So I guess we'll shop at both places from now on.

Ok I'm off to go clean the poopy litter box and do dishes! Yayyy.

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July 23rd, 2008


10:40 am - Love Bunnies
We got them!!! We got them we got them we got them!!! I don't know if it was an act of whatever higher power you believe in, karma, luck, chance, or if David Hasselhoff had something to do with it, but we got them. There was such a little chance that we would, but two people backed out for some reason. So they're here now! We are so happy. Here's their picture again:




I'm sure I will be posting many more candid shots from now on. They are lovely.

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July 17th, 2008


04:01 pm - magical thinking
today is beautiful and HOT. 98 degrees. I just spent the last few hours starting another book outside on our hill in the blazing hot sun. Margaret Atwood's "Cat's Eye". The very first page goes like this:

"Time is not a line but a dimension, like the dimensions of space. If you can bend space you can bend time also, and if you knew enough and could move faster than light you could travel backward in time and exist in two places at once... But I began to then think of time as having a shape, something you could see, like a series of liquid transparencies, one laid on top of another. You don't look back along time but down through it, like water. Sometimes this comes to the surface, sometimes that, sometimes nothing. Nothing goes away"

And the rest of the book is about an artist at the end of her career, with each chapter going back and forth between times in her life, telling all her different stories. She is such a beautiful writer. I'm pretty sure I'm just going to read all of her works until I run out. I'm making Henry read "Oryx and Crake" right now, since it's kind of science-fictiony.

I have decided to not drink for one whole week, starting today. *Unless* there is a special social occasion with potential friends. Let's see what happens.

Well, I'm off to the gym, and then to do yoga with Henry when he gets home. I've pretty much completely stopped doing yoga, because of my suckiness, and my entire body is starting to hurt. It's weird that only when you stop doing yoga you realize how much it benefits you. Well, that's not true, but it certainly highlights the difference.

Henry got me a new camera bag since James took his back last year. It's a backpack (yay! So I can hike around and not worry about lugging a bag on my shoulder), fits all my bodies, lenses, accessories, and has straps for my tripod at the bottom. It's a bag that should have been a couple hundred bucks but he found it for $40. Oh, how I love his obsession with looking online for good deals. This time, haha.

We find out tonight whether we get our cats. Henry wants to name Missy Kaylee, since we both hate the name Missy. Kaylee is better than Missy. But. I'm getting ahead of myself. Everybody send good thoughts!!

The last couple jobs I applied for are 1) to be a photographer for a stupid photo agency that does school pics, sports teams photos, etc. (it would be not a lot of money, but easy, and I'd get to play with kids and cameras), and 2) a production assistant for the APA (which is more of a real job, but boring, and far away). We shall see..
Current Mood: creativecreative

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July 8th, 2008


11:55 pm - Giraffes and bottle caps
i am pretty sure i drink too much. i should probably deal with that eventually.

on the other hand, we just got back from boone a few days ago, which was a lovely adventure. i got to see all my friends, eat some lucy, go to melanie's and dos, and all the other things which is necessary to do in boone. it's weird being back here all of a sudden, and i'm back to my new life of loneliness, cable, job hunting, and figuring out who the fuck i'm meant to be.

it's nice to have the rest of my stuff back; the apartment is starting to look more like a decent place. except... we thought we'd be getting the blue couch from the old apartment, so we decided to take out the old piece of shit couch we have been sitting on. The problem is, it didn't fit through the door. It's hard to explain, but there's a wall in the way that prevents the couch from getting the angles it needs to get out. So, we spent hours tearing the damn thing apart, hammering and kicking and ripping stuffing from the couch so it would fit. Still no go. So, we end up throwing it off the balcony. Ha. It was humorous, I suppose. So then we try and get the new couch in. Henry and I couldn't do it ourselves, so we put it back in the moving van for the night to be able to sleep on what we could possibly do. The next day some nice people tried to help us, but it was useless. That wall won't allow anything resembling a couch in. So, we put it by the dumpsters and someone took it. Which is good. But as for us, we're sitting on blankets and pillows. No couch for us. Ooops. It's pretty frustrating. We're thinking of getting one of those tempur-pedic huge cushions or whatever. Yeahh.

We sort of made some friends- a guy that lives below us and a girl who lives a few buildings over, I think they are dating or something. Anyway, we have hung out with them a few times and they seem cool. The girl, Karen, is trying to hook me up with a job with the APA, which would be awesome. Our other friend, Kristin, is having a birthday party on Thursday which will involve salsa dancing. I don't know how to salsa, but perhaps I can get drunk and pretend.

I can't stop hiccuping.

I miss you all. Whoever reads this. Does anyone read this? Holla if you do.

I need a cigarette. And rehab, perhaps.

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June 19th, 2008


12:58 pm - drag queens and rabies
Henry got bit by a squirrel. I'm not even kidding. I think I've mentioned before how the squirrels around here are unusually friendly, because they get fed all the time. A few of them will actually take peanuts out of your hand. Well, Henry was walking to his car to go to work and one followed him down the sidewalk. He turned around to tell her he didn't have any food, and sort of bent down and offered his hands so she could see. First, she sniffed his finger. Then she bit it!! Then she stood up on her hind legs, saying, "That, sir, was a finger. I asked for a peanut." Apparently their eyes are on the side of their head so maybe she thought it was a peanut in front of her. Anyway, he had to use sick leave to go to the emergency room to get a tetanus shot, and now he's paranoid that he has rabies, even though squirrels never carry the disease. So now he thinks he's going to die. The health department won't give him the rabies vaccine because there's such a little chance he has it. The bite barely broke the skin. Anyway, it's hilarious. It'll make for a good never have I ever some day.

My mom's coming to visit tomorrow. Me and her parents. Family time! Yay. No, it'll me nice to see my mom. And get some free meals out of it. The other day a huge storm came through and knocked our power out for 24 hours. Candle light is fun. But we had absolutely no food in the house, and couldn't go grocery shopping cause the fridge wasn't cold. So we went to our Mexican restaurant. A win/win!

We're trying to grow cucumbers. And a few sunflowers. We'll see how that goes. Cause they're on our little porch, which only gets a couple of hours of sun in the afternoon. But so far they're doing good!

We went to the gay pride festivities this past weekend, and we had a blast. We went to the parade with a girl named Kristen, who Henry met on his trip to Europe. She's pretty much awesome, which makes me happy. We officially have one friend. The next day was the pride festival, where they blocked off a bunch of streets and had performances, gay booths filled with gay advertisements and gay products. Henry saw his first drag queen performance.

So, my new activity is reading every book ever written. For the past 2 years or so, I've read absolutely nothing but books about Buddhism (or texts for school). I kind of forgot the concept of reading for entertainment. So, I've been going to the county library which is right down the street, like every day. In the past 2 weeks I've read a book of short stories called Wilderness Tips by Margaret Atwood, Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson, and two books by Augusten Burroughs, Dry and Magical Thinking. I recommend all of them, by the way. I pretty much read them cover to cover in one sitting and it's wonderful. It also means I have no life. Anybody have any more recommendations?

Only a few more days until Kelly comes! And THIEVERY!! And I'll be going back to Boone to get the rest of my shit. We don't have the money to do that, but, well, I need my shit. I can't wait to see Boone! Maybe there's a way we can stop and see Alysia on the way, that would be grand and much needed.

Kbye.

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